Life feels quiet right now. But it is the kind of quiet before the noise. It’s the pause you feel when you know something big and momentous is coming soon and for us that something big is someone small. Our first grandchild is sweeping into our lives in about 3 short months and a couple of weeks ago we found out that it is a he. And all of a sudden, there are little boys everywhere. At the grocery store, on TV, at church, in restaurants. Everywhere I look, I see little boys and I wonder….”Will he look like this? Act like that?”
It took me awhile to wrap my brain around the fact that he is indeed a REAL BOY. Your first-born daughter tells you she is pregnant with your first grandchild and that event, that memory, takes on a dreamlike quality. “Wait, what?” “This is you, MY little girl, (she’s 28), telling me that YOU are the one having a baby?”, “I’m a GRANDMA?”, “Are you old enough?”, “Am I?”, “How are we here already?”, “Wasn’t it just a few years ago that this was happening to me?” “With you?”
There are moments in your life that have a way of accenting the passage of time and this is certainly one of them. I am so excited for this little guy to sweep into our lives, but seriously, it feels so, so surreal that I am the grandma in this story. For 28 years I have been the mom! THAT is my role! But this? How do I do this? I’ve ruled the roost for so long. I’m, at times, bossy and somewhat controlling. I like to run things the way I like them to unfold. And this is NOT the description of the grandma role!
I’ll learn. I learned to be the mom, so I will now learn to be the grandma. My friends who already do this can’t stop talking about how wonderful it is. I believe them but there is a part of me that is a little taken aback. This little guy will soon sweep in and change our family’s lives in a big way and I will not be the decision maker, the fixer, the main character, the protagonist. I know what’s ahead for my daughter more than she does right now and I want to sweep in and make it easier for her and smooth out the inevitable rough patches. But then I remind myself that this is HER motherhood journey, not mine. In this new cast of characters, I play the supporting actress role. And like an Oscar nominee, I can make a big difference in the overall story without being the leading lady.
So, little boy blue, come blow your horn. Disrupt the balance, change our lives, make some noise. I can’t wait to hold you close and watch my daughter transform into your mom. Because of loving you, we will all figure out our roles in this new stage of being a family.
Photo by Andreas Wohlfahrt on Pexels.com
One thought on “Little Boy Blue”
So beautifully poignant! You have a gift, Lisa!